Today, it was announced that a new race of people were made: Brown people.

Originally grouped with Blacks, Brown people have always wondered why they were considered black like 24 year old Shaniqua Jones. “I was always wonderin how I was black. Did I look like a tire, or my driveway?”

A small town in the state of Maine decided to approve of the Brown race. Mayor Bill Stamen had this to say: “As a white man, I felt that not all black people looked the same; especially since some of them didn’t even look black. They’re not negro; they’re marron.”

DeSean Sanford was in tears, “I’m so happy mayne! Finally, we ca be called as who we are. When I fill out an application for a job, I can circle brown. I have my identity back. I’d like to thank Mayor Stamen and the town council”.

When asked if white people could maybe be mis-categorized, Stamen had this to say: “Well, we have too many colors. When we’re hot, we’re red. When we’re sick, we’re green. When we’re choking, we’re blue-ish purple.”

Seems perhaps pink is the best option, but then what man would want to be known as pink?

What you just read was my first attempt to be a Onion reporter. It’s a goal/dream of mine to write for The Onion because they are absolutely hilarious. Look forward to more posts like this from now on.

-DALANEL