Saturday. The weekend. We’re getting closer to summer time! At least for places that get 70+ degree weather. Well why don’t we get started with a joke.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.” Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”

And here I thought losing keys was bad enough! You like funny videos, right? I thought maybe a song would shake things up. I always liked this song:

I can shake n bake to that all day. And now for images:

That’s what happens when you mess with people in their sleep.

Wait…all of that Super Mario Bros. work was a lie?

Well it’s Saturday and that means the latest news. If you recall, I had computer issues last week and could barely get anything up. But, I’m all good this time around I hope.

Have you been raped by a turtle? Now before you ask “what kind of question is that!?” let me share this story with you. Apparently, there’s a type of turtle that, during breeding season, gets a little…horny and, with his poor sight, can mistaken people and even debris as female turtles. And…well they’ll swim up to you and attempt to make love. That’s what happened to this couple. I guess I’ll have to look up “doing it turtle style”.

And now for good news. You may have seen the video or heard of the guy, Stuart Edge. Well, if you don’t know, he’s hit the streets recently. See, he’s a magician who is know for a few tricks. He performed a trick for homeless people by taking a $1 bill and transforming it into a $100 bill and letting the person keep it. I know, right? Awesome. He did for 10 people which means he gave out $1,000. God bless him for that. I being a member of a homeless ministry as well as foodbank makes me smile all the more.

Lastly, news satire. Apparently, it’s impossible to lose weight. Yeah, there was this study that found that exercise and eating right will do nothing.

“Our findings indicate that if you’re trying to lose weight, you will fail—and that’s because you can’t, no one has, and you need to stop trying because it will never happen,” said Dr. Rena Wing, lead author of the report. “You could work out every day and eat nothing, and you still wouldn’t lose an ounce. And the sooner you throw up your hands and make peace with that fact, the better off you’ll be.”

The study went on to say that while losing weight is impossible, gaining weight is not only well within the realm of what is physically achievable, but is “remarkably easy and 100 percent inevitable.”

Well, that sucks but I hope it answers some questions you may have.

So that’s it. Tomorrow is special so have a good day and treat that special guy right!

-DALANEL