Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell “naughty” stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.”They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France.” The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. “Young ladies,” said the professor with a broad smile, “the next plane doesn’t leave till tomorrow afternoon.”

Oh he got ’em good!

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, “You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!” With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?” Little Mary’s mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?” Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: Number 1: You have a dirty mind; Number 2: You didn’t read your homework; and Number 3: One day you are going to be very, very disappointed.

Oh man! What about a photo:

 

YEAH!

Two college football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.

“Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?”

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba.

“Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped.

Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”

Oh, like that Gieco commercial. Remember? Good times. Now…I need you to brace yourself for this very odd photo. Take a deep breath…now exhale slowly…okay…

 

What!?

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up.

“Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.

“Very good! Who said, ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?”

Again, no response, except from Suzuki.

“Abraham Lincoln, 1863,” said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed! Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper, “F*ck the Japs.”

“Who said that?” she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

The teacher glares and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh, yeah? S*ck this!”

Suzuki jumps out of his chair, waving his hand, and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, “You little sh*t! If you say anything else, I’ll kill you!”

Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001!”

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh, sh*t, we’re f*cked!”

Suzuki said “Saddam Hussein, 2003!”

And one last image just to show us all how cool we may never be:

 

That’s another week of funnies in the bag, baby!

-DALANEL