You knew this was coming. If you didn’t, let me talk about it a little. I take my favorite parts from previous DGS and combine into a grand feature. The first time I did it, it was 1-99. Today, 101-199. It’ll follow the same as the first one. My favorite five of these:
- Quote
- Scripture
- Image
- Video
- Joke
- Weird/Funny news
- Good/Positive news
So, with that in mind, let’s get started!
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the Designated Decoy.”
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell “naughty” stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.”They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France.” The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. “Young ladies,” said the professor with a broad smile, “the next plane doesn’t leave till tomorrow afternoon.”
A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning.
“I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it’s runny, and the other so over cooked, it’s tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze, so that it’s impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm.”
“That’s a complicated order, sir,” said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.”
The guest replied, “Oh, but that’s what you gave me yesterday!”
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.
The lab tech says to him, “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer’s disease and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”
“That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?” asked Mr. Smith.
“Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
“The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”
Doctors were able to grow another nose for a man…on his forehead:
After a Chinese man’s nose was irreparably damaged from infection, his doctors decided to “grow” a second nose on the man’s forehead to replace the original nose.
Now, this good news really touched me. This boy was having surgery and he had his favorite stuffed animal with him. Apparently, his wolf had a tear on his shoulder. So, the doctor sewed him up and put on a bandage and everything. It was awesome. Hit the link for the picture. I say this touched me because my own stuffed animal was “operated” on during a trip to the hospital. I still have it to this day. I totally understand the connection of a boy and his stuffed animal.
We got a few N.J. (woo-hoo!) athletes pay for snacks and such…even with nobody to take the money. Yeah, the store was actually closed but some sort of malfunction caused the store to appear open and the players were able to go in and do their shopping. Of course, with it being closed, nobody was at the register. They waited for a while for a clerk before calling it a day and leaving the amount of money to satisfy their would be normal (since nobody was there, things never really…registered) purchase on the counter. Deep. But then, a security camera captured all of this and the guys were each given a $50 gift card. Sweet. It pays to be honest!
This good news just truly warms my heart. Here’s the basics:
Ben then called his fellow Community Action Officer, Jon McLachlan, and the two decided to take a ride to the local Target store. These officers not only purchased a pink plaid backpack for Leslie, they also bought a lunch box, water bottle (since she walks to school), folders, pens, markers, crayons, a ruler and pencils. The officers took the purchases back to the school and, before her first hour class was over, presented them to Leslie.
Good things are happening in our world. It wasn’t easy to pick my top five.
Lastly, we have our top five funny/weird news. Like with the positive/good news, picking my fav five wasn’t easy.
Okay now we’ve talked about some crazy news. And in my research, I’ve seen some stuff. But this is one of the oddest things. You ever have a problem finding a parking spot at the grocery store? Perhaps you live in an apartment complex or at least visiting someone and can’t get a spot? Welp, in London there’s a parking spot up for sale…for$465,000. What in the bloody…but wait, you own it for 91 years. It’s leased to you for 91 years. Just, wow.
Next, and this is for all you ladies out there, we have a new perfume…that smells like toast. Toast. As in, a slice of bread fresh out of the toaster oven. I don’t think there’s any butter, cream cheese, jam, or other topping on it. Just toast. And wait until you read the story because it’s sending a message, or at least it’s supposed to. There’s a “we’re toasted” joke in there, I just know it! But here’s the gist of what’s going on:
“It was deliberately slightly quirky to bring across the very serious message of the value of bread as part of a healthy balanced diet,” he said. “There are nutrients and vitamins that people actually get from bread. Contrary to what people think, it’s a low-fat food as well.”
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you the name of the perfume. You ready? Eau de Toast.
This dog…welp…
The man, who hasn’t been named, was hunting Sunday morning on Leech River near Federal Dam when a hunting dog jumped into the boat and engaged the trigger of a shotgun, causing it to discharge, according to the Cass County Sheriff’s Office. The man was shot in the lower right leg and taken to Cass Lake Indian Health Services, where he was treated for a non-life threatening injury.
So…yeah…the link to the story is right here.
Welp, somebody invented a contraption called “Pee Straight” which, you guessed it, helps you pee straight. So…hit the link to see what the darn thing looks like.
This weird news is brought to you by the letter “Y”. As in, “why” did a new building in London end up melting cars and frying eggs? Yeah, the way this skyscraper is positioned, when the sun’s rays hit the building, it reflects it to the ground. It set fire to furnishings, caused damage to cars, and a man decided to fry his lunch right there in the street. It’s a fascinating scientific story. Yeesh.
I want to thank you for the support. Thanks for reading. Head to DALANEL Polls page and vote for your favorite feature as well as other things. Here’s looking forward to day 300!
-DALANEL
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