Author: Dalanel

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Daily Good Stuff 98

It’s Wednesday. Hump day. So saddle up for another day of good stuff. I need to make an announcement first. June 17, you set a record for most views in a day for the site. The previous high was in May. But, I don’t know if June will be able to catch up with May. Right now, June is in second place all time so only May 2013 is ahead of it. We’ll see. Thanks for the support as it seems you are enjoying the stuff you see here at DALANEL. And now to the joke:

The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant.

“Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.”

The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the lady’s breasts.

He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple.

“Young lady,” he finally announced, “no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven’t any milk!”

“Of course not!” she shrieked. “It’s not my child, it’s my sister’s!”

Oh my goodness! Where was the sister? Also, I don’t think doctors randomly start sucking nipples, right ladies? Otherwise I need to change professions-HEY I’M KIDDING. Here’s a video:

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Daily Good Stuff 97

Tuesday is gonna be terrific, isn’t it? I bet it will be. Did you see the latest scene of my play posted earlier this morning? Check it out. And now, let’s get to the good stuff.

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students. “As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.” The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?” “Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”

Same here. Alright well let’s look at this video:

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Daily Good Stuff 96

Closer and closer to day 100. So I hope dad’s day was a success for you. It was for me. Oh, I’m no father. Eh, let’s get to the stuff that ya came for, okay?

First off, the joke:

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?” “Ten,” the doctor says sadly. “Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”

“Nine…”

Aw man. Time is short, huh? Real short. And now here’s a video:

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Daily Good Stuff 95: Father’s Day

It’s Daddy day! In my elementary school, they would invite the dads to school for lunch in what was called “Dads and Doughnuts”. Moms were with muffins. Yum. My dad was one of just a few that would show up though. Yeah. Plenty of moms though. Anyway, it’s a father post today and we’ll get it kicked off with a joke.

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?” Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams…and he thinks, what the heck, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: “So what did you want to know about sex for?” “Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

When I realized the punch line for this joke I fell out laughing. That’s a lie I just laughed out loud for a few “secs”. Brilliant. If you don’t get it, I’m sorry but ask somebody or keep reading until you do get it. In the meantime, here’s a video of dads but you knew it would be about dads:

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The Power of the Tongue

When we realize that our own words are the ultimate weapon, we’ll be able to do great things. Take God for instance. He created the world by speaking it into existence. Yes, if you don’t know, the universe was made, not by hand, but by the tongue. That’s how great God is. That’s how powerful He is.

And He made us in the same way. Yes, we are made in His own image. People can misunderstand this. It is not our physical beings that are in God’s image. It’s our spirits. I’m not going to get into that because that’s not the theme of this post. Anyway, we have to realize that if we say something enough, we can speak into existence. (verse)

And so that saying “watch what you say” and other warnings about what we say are really true. So now what?

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Daily Good Stuff 94

Saturday. The weekend. We’re getting closer to summer time! At least for places that get 70+ degree weather. Well why don’t we get started with a joke.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.” Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”

And here I thought losing keys was bad enough! You like funny videos, right? I thought maybe a song would shake things up. I always liked this song:

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