Daily Bible Verse

Daily Good Stuff 111

Reaching day 111 got me thinking: What happens when I reach day 666? That won’t be for a couple of years though so I guess I got time to think about it. I can’t just skip it. Anyway, it’s another day in July and I’m excited, I guess. Let’s go ahead and start things off with a joke:

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!” “Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

That one made me laugh out loud. Not many jokes I find do that. Now for comic:

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Daily Good Stuff 110

Ah we made it to July. My favorite month. After a weekend of abbreviated DGS, I am back to full speed. Joke, video, images, quote, scripture, good news, and weird/funny news. Are you ready? Then let’s go!

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.

Revelation 3:20 reads: “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” Genesis 3:10 reads: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.”

Ha! I love Bible jokes. Alright here’s a video:

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Daily Good Stuff 109

Sunday! Last day of June. So let’s get this day started right.

Ol’ Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.

The family called their pastor to stand with them.

As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol’ Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol’ Fred died. He said, “You know, Ol’ Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it, but knowing Fred, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.” He opened the note, and read out loud, “You fool, you’re standing on my oxygen tube!”

How unfortunate! And a comic:

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Daily Good Stuff 108

Saturday. The last weekend of the month and it’s been a great month for DALANEL. As you saw yesterday, I’ve got some stuff going on so these post for today and tomorrow are gonna be abbreviated. A joke, image, quote, and scripture. Trust me though, the first two days of July are gonna have posts up with all types of angles including the normal daily good stuff, exactly how great June was, what to expect for a grand celebration for July babies, and more. Just two days. Gonna be wild. But let’s get through this.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, BURN!

And now here’s a comic of a really unrealistic but funny situation:

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Daily Good Stuff 107

It’s Friday! TGIF and all that good stuff. Let’s get started right away.

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.

He’s checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can’t see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.

Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you’re in.”

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Well, there was this one time when I was drivin’ down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that’s what they were doing. There were about 50 of ’em torturing this chick.

Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.

So I ripped the leader’s chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, ‘Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You’re all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'”

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, “Really? Wow, when did all this happen?”

“Er.. about two minutes ago.”

Impressive. Foolish, but impressive. Video? Of course!

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Daily Good Stuff 106

Hey, hey, hey, what’s goin’ on, bro or sis? Come on in, take a seat. Welcome to Daily Good Stuff. I’m your host, Dante Nelson and even though this is day 106, you might be new here so let me just give you an idea of what Daily Good Stuff is about. For you usual members of DALANEL, you can skip the next paragraph.

Daily Good Stuff is one of my ways of bringing a positive spin on the world, as seen for the blog’s tagline. Everyday, I post a joke, video, images, quote, scripture, good news, and weird/funny news. That’s the goal anyway. Sometimes I’ll make it a themed post like Birthday or Get Well or my most recent theme of Boy Scouts. I gather these things from the internet (although a few stuff is completely original) and bring them here. It’s my alternative to the many negative things you here on TV from FOX, NBC, CNN, and their friends. So thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy this post and be sure to check out past posts as well.

So, we got that out of the way. Let’s do it with a joke:

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. “Next Sunday,” she said, “we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark.” The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, “Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room.” About half the class rose and came forward.

“The rest of you may leave,” said the teacher, “these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark.”

Huh, how about that? And now these images:

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