DALANEL

Daily Good Stuff 79

Alright it’s Friday! Where I am it’s basically a heat wave going on still from Wednesday and not expected to end until at least Monday. That’s cool…hot…fine with me. Let’s do our thing with a joke:

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING A CYBER AFFAIR…

10. Lately, she sits at the computer naked.

9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.

8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

6. He’s gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.

5. Every day, Bill Gates sends 10 million dollars worth of flowers.

4. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear.

3. During sex she screams “A COLON BACKSLASH ENTER INSERT!!!!”

2. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy’s ass.

1. Lipstick on the mouse.

Do you have a trampoline? Have you fallen off of it before? Well, check this video out:

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Daily Good Stuff 78

Well it’s another day, my friends. Earlier, I posted my latest episode of my breaking down the book series. Take a look if you haven’t already. I can’t even believe I made it this far on a daily basis but I’m going to have to get help very soon because this stuff can take its toll. But we’ll see. I enjoy it so it’s not like I feel like I HAVE to do it. It’s a joy for me. Let’s get to the joke.

An old man went to the social security office to sign up.
He had stood in the line for a very long time until it was finally his turn. The lady behind the counter ask him for identification. He went to get his wallet out of his back pocket and realized he had left it at home. The lady told him that was alright he could just show her his chest hairs and if they were grey she knew he was old enough for social security.

After everything was done there he went home and told his wife how his day went. He told her that he had forgotten his wallet at home and the lady at the social security office just ask him to pull down the front of his shirt and she could tell he was old enough.

After listening to his story his wife told him if he had dropped his pants he probably could have gotten disability too.

Aw man I don’t know if I want to live to see that. Well you already know from an older post I really don’t. As you saw on Tuesday, I promised people falling for the rest of the week with that exception for day 76. So here’s the video:

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Daily Good Stuff 77

Let’s do what we always do and get the joke:

A salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Indian gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. “What’s in bag?”, the Indian asks the driver.

The driver says, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The Indian is silent for a moment then says, “Good trade.”

Oh man that’s tough. Okay, like I promised, here’s a video of people falling. This is gonna be epic!

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Daily Good Stuff 76: The 76ers and the NBA

You knew this was coming. As a 76ers fan this post had to come. Well, while this isn’t the first post done as a Sixers theme, this will be strictly Sixers and NBA. So sit back and relax hoop fans, because this is gonna be a wiiiiiiild ride! Our joke is one of a great rivalry between the Sixers and Celtics:

A 76ers fan and a Celtics fan stumble upon a magic lamp. The 76ers fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There’s a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the 76ers fan announces that it was him. “Okay,” says the genie, “So you get 3 wishes. But there’s a catch.” “What’s that then?” asks the ‘Gers fan. “Well, whatever you wish for, I’ll give the other guy double.” “That’s alright with me,” says the 76ers fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds. “Granted!” says the genie, “But the Celtics fan gets 2 million.” “Fair enough. Now, I’d like a nice new Ferrari,” “Done. But the Celtics fan gets 2 Ferraris.” “Okay,” says the 76ers fan, “I’d like to donate a kidney.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/nbajokes/philadelphia76ersjokes.html

Great stuff. Time for images.

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Daily Good Stuff 75

So here we are; Monday. Memorial Day. So I guess you all are gonna spend some time outside. They say this is the beginning of grilling season. No special theme post though so, yeah. Let’s start it off:

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.

Yeah see as a Sixers fan, I have to be careful I don’t try this to get to a game. This video tries to shed light to why we laugh at people that fall:

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A Word of Encouragement

Today I received a word. A much needed word. And it was not the sermon. You know I gotta set up the scene. This is a very long story but if you want to go straight to the main point, go to the last paragraph. I think it would help if you read my story but it’s up to you. This is to help encourage you to keep on keepin on.

So I’ve been ushering for a few years now. I wouldn’t say I’m a head usher but I’m pretty darn close. As we must do when we start a job, I spent my first few months learning the ropes of ushering. Back then, my church only had one service on Sunday. Soon after I got the hang of things, they announced that there would be two services, like so many other churches. And so the regular 10:30 service was after the new 8 am service, which was an abbreviated service and is now known to have a low attendance.

Instantly, ushers starting dropping off. I’m not sure why, but it happened. And then the remaining ushers could only do one service. I, along with the three head ushers and another usher, were consistently at both services. As time went on, I came early enough to where I now set up the sanctuary for service. I make sure all the supplies are laid out for everybody to use.

Fast forward to late 2012, perhaps October. Here I am, ushering for now three years and one of only three ushers to man the 8 am service. Now, the minimum amount of ushers needed to be effective is four, so it’s not so bad. The problem lies in the 10:30 service where only about five ushers are stationed. The minimum needed though is 10-12. So we’re constantly short.

What’s a guy to do?

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