This is…this could turn into a rant. Here’s the question:

Why do people ask questions like “what’s up” or “how is your day” when they really don’t care at all? It’s the same dialogue with the same answer. I don’t get why this is used. It literally has no meaning. When I’m asked “what’s up” or “how’s it going” all I do is repeat what they say or say “nice”. And it is very annoying. I know it’s considered good etiquette, but how? There is no reason for it. If you really want me to tell you how my day is, let me think about it, tell you, and give details. If you don’t care about my day, then I see no point in asking the question.

It’s actually just a way to be polite. It’s a greeting for saying hello. Indeed, they actually don’t want to know what’s up.

Thing is, it’s stupid.

Give me a break. It’s very annoying. I don’t ask people a question if I don’t want an honest answer. What if I decided to tell you exactly what was up? Are you sure? I typically say “Hey” and other stuff when I greet. I have no idea where asking people what’s going on without expecting an answer came from. I can’t get over it.

Here’s an example for why you can look like a fool if you ask these things without expecting an answer. So, I’m a security associate at my church. I sit at the desk. People come in and out of the building. Okay, fine. But, what if someone has a meeting and walks in? They walk in; swiftly, towards the room they need to meet in. This guy asks “how are ya?” and I say “I just found out I have cancer”.

Now what? Hm?

You’re in a hurry. You could have just been honest and simple and say “good evening”, but noooo, you thought you were being polite by asking a question you don’t care for the answer to. Now you’re stuck because I decided, huh, I guess I should answer the question! I mean, really!

You know what? I’m going to snap one day. Either I’m going to tell people what’s going on in an effort to stop them from asking, or I’ll just ignore it. This has to end. In fact, starting today, I’m going to make sure I stop asking. I rarely do but now it’s a mission. Be the change you want to see.

It’s okay. We can end it today. Today.

Fun question:

I guy I work with just left foster care in June when he turned 18. He’s kind of quiet and a loner so I doubt he has many friends. I feel bad for him and I’m going to invite him to my house for Thanksgiving with my family. How far in advance do I ask him?

First of all, really nice of you to want to extend this invitation. Actually, I think you can ask now, but keep a few things in mind:

• Make sure it’s as flexible as possible for him. “If you want, we’d love to have ya”. If he’s quiet and a loner, he may need time to process spending an entire evening with people he doesn’t know. It’ll help if he doesn’t feel like he HAS to accept the offer. Speaking of that…
• Make sure you don’t ask for an answer at that time. “Think about it” is perfect. He may not be sure; again, he needs to process the offer. Someone he knows or is possibly more comfortable with may extend an invitation.
• Be careful of being aware of his presence. Again, he’s with a bunch of people he doesn’t know. Sitting down while the rest of the family yaps away at familiar things and inside jokes will be awkward. You’ll need to be sure to accommodate him.
• I said you could ask him now. I think asking just weeks before might be too late. It’s the end of September as I write this, but this will be scheduled to show up probably the first week of October.