funny comics

Daily Good Stuff 115

The weekend, baby! Just a little talk, DALANEL viewing so far is on pace to beat June. Also, there are changes on the horizon for Daily Good Stuff. Features will be added and others will fade. I just continue to tweak until I feel it’s just right. I think you’ll like them. When will I enact the changes? Like I said last week, it’ll be right after my birthday. Or I maybe I’m growing impatient and will do it this upcoming week. Either way, you’ll know before the post appears.

Let’s get to the stuff you love. A joke:

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right breast is hanging out.” As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, “Ma’am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?” She says, “Why, officer?” “Well, your breast is hanging out.” She looks down and says “OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!”

Oh man. What’s next?

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Daily Good Stuff 114

Yesterday was complete hell. My computer stopped working and it was a miracle all of my posts from yesterday were even published. I spent all night dealing with it. Then, I learn my mom had some breathing issues and needed to stay in the hospital. It ended on a somewhat positive note hanging with some family for the holiday but man. But I survived and that’s what counts. So let’s continue on this fascinating journey of DGS.

A woman is in an accident while she’s pregnant. While in a coma she has twins (a boy & a girl). When she woke up, she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them. She replied,”My brother is an idiot! I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?” “Denise”, replied the doctor. That’s not so bad.”What about the boy”, she finally asked. “Denephew”

So close. And now for a videooooo:

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Daily Good Stuff 112

Hump day! Alright let’s do it:

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say “You’re a handsome man!” The man looked around, but still couldn’t see where the voice was coming from. When he went back to his beer, the voice said again “What a stud you are!” The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on. The bartender said “Oh, it’s the nuts–they’re complimentary.”

Classic. And I love this commercial:

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Daily Good Stuff 111

Reaching day 111 got me thinking: What happens when I reach day 666? That won’t be for a couple of years though so I guess I got time to think about it. I can’t just skip it. Anyway, it’s another day in July and I’m excited, I guess. Let’s go ahead and start things off with a joke:

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!” “Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

That one made me laugh out loud. Not many jokes I find do that. Now for comic:

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Daily Good Stuff 109

Sunday! Last day of June. So let’s get this day started right.

Ol’ Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.

The family called their pastor to stand with them.

As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol’ Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol’ Fred died. He said, “You know, Ol’ Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it, but knowing Fred, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.” He opened the note, and read out loud, “You fool, you’re standing on my oxygen tube!”

How unfortunate! And a comic:

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Daily Good Stuff 108

Saturday. The last weekend of the month and it’s been a great month for DALANEL. As you saw yesterday, I’ve got some stuff going on so these post for today and tomorrow are gonna be abbreviated. A joke, image, quote, and scripture. Trust me though, the first two days of July are gonna have posts up with all types of angles including the normal daily good stuff, exactly how great June was, what to expect for a grand celebration for July babies, and more. Just two days. Gonna be wild. But let’s get through this.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, BURN!

And now here’s a comic of a really unrealistic but funny situation:

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