If you have a dirty mind, you may love this post. If not, turn back now.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $9.80.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
Beauty is only skin deep. If you go after someone just because she’s beautiful but don’t have anything to talk about, it’s going to get boring fast. You want to look beyond the surface and see if you can have fun or if you have anything in common with this person. Amanda Peet
The sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”
So, we made it to another DGS. Have you heard about my new blog feature: Dante and Basketball? If it becomes successful enough, it could end up being “Dante and Sports”. But, let’s start small, ya know? Anyway, on to the post.
A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.”
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.”
“Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo.”
This isn’t weird news…even if it does sound weird. No, we’ll say this is good news. For two years now, this guy, on his birthday, stands out in the street giving out money. Yup. Giving it away. This year was $750.
Here’s some creepy news. If you hate clowns, turn back now. Apparently, there’s a clown stalking a town. Yes, a town. Where? Northampton, England is where. Trust me, I’m not clowning around.
And you thought I wouldn’t slip in a corny joke!
-DALANEL
Hey, how’s it going? It’s the start of another week…or the end of the weekend…I’ve got some jokes and funny pics for you today. Are you ready? Let’s do this!
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
How unfortunate.
