jokes

Daily Good Stuff 183: Wild West

I reckon this is gonna be suh-weet! Get ready for Cowboys, ranches, and everything from all the western movies you’ve seen.

I always wanted to be a cowboy, and Jedi Knights are basically cowboys in  space, right? Liam Neeson

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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. “WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?” he yelled.
No one answered.
“ALL RIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA’ BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

Whew, what a bluff.

I hope this was good for you.

-DALANEL

Daily Good Stuff 182

And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.
1 John 2:28

If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams. Les Brown

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Don’t ya hate when that happens?

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Weekly Funnies 17: Some favorites

It’s that time again! Time for some funnies. We’ll be looking at a few of my favorite jokes and pictures. I say, it’s still funny the second time around.

 

 

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a half hour ago.”

Sounds painful!

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Transformers: Children in disguise.

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Daily Good Stuff 181

TGIF, y’all! I’ve been busy this week getting myself ready for the 76ers’ season. You’ll see a couple of posts about my thoughts on the season soon. For now, let’s finish the post.

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out  and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. Bruce Lee

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
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Cool.

Daily Good Stuff 180

It’s Thursday and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve had a decent week. It could’ve gone better but whatever. Let’s get down to another round of good stuff!

A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination  and hard work. Colin Powell

“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” John 14:21
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Ain’t that the truth? Well, it is for my life. Shoot, it’s 1 am as I write this.
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand are in the beach?” Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How many stars are in the sky?” and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, “Here’s this week’s question,” Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, ” Okay, who’s the comedian with the black balls?”

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, “Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!”

Nice! A little forced, but still a good joke.
Mark Wahlberg (yes, that Mark Wahlberg) has finally become a high school graduate at age 42. He wants kids to finish too:
His Mark Wahlberg Youth Foundation has partnered with other organizations to provide resources to young people who commit to finishing high school.
Good for him.
So a few police officers cut in line to buy Grand Theft Auto. Only problem was, they weren’t cops. Wait, the folks were outside waiting for the store to open. These guys show up, get inside before opening, and run off with copies of the game. Yeesh. And that’s not even it. Check out the rest of the story.

Daily Good Stuff 179

Born on a Wednesday, I guess I have a special connection with this day. So, are you ready to get this party started? Then let’s do it!

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. Norman Vincent Peale

It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Proverbs 20:3
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That’s me and my sisters. Eventually this meme will catch on. Right?
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, “Johnny, what is the matter?”

Little Johnny groaned and responded , “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

Have a fantastic day!
-DALANEL