jokes

Daily Good Stuff 177

So, we made it to another DGS. Have you heard about my new blog feature: Dante and Basketball? If it becomes successful enough, it could end up being “Dante and Sports”. But, let’s start small, ya know? Anyway, on to the post.

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A young woman was having a physical examination and  was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she  removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.”

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. “Don’t  feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.”

“Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face  and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and  say moo.”

This isn’t weird news…even if it does sound weird. No, we’ll say this is good news. For two years now, this guy, on his birthday, stands out in the street giving out money. Yup. Giving it away. This year was $750.

Here’s some creepy news. If you hate clowns, turn back now. Apparently, there’s a clown stalking a town. Yes, a town. Where? Northampton, England is where. Trust me, I’m not clowning around.

And you thought I wouldn’t slip in a corny joke!

-DALANEL

Weekly Funnies 16

Hey, how’s it going? It’s the start of another week…or the end of the weekend…I’ve got some jokes and funny pics for you today. Are you ready? Let’s do this!

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal.  For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.  Don’t burden him with chores.  Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.   No nagging.  And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.  If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.  “What did the doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die,”  she replied.

How unfortunate.

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Daily Good Stuff 176

Last DGS of the week. Are ya ready? Let’s go!

It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t  want to hear. Dick Cavett
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
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So…that looked like it hurt.

Daily Good Stuff 175

It’s Thursday. You know it. I know it. I’m feeling better today than yesterday. My computer’s decided to work today so let’s make it happen. Still, I’m not doing videos until I’m upgraded to a new laptop.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person — such a man is an idolater — has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Ephesians 5:3-5
When the power of love overcomes the love of power the  world will know peace. Jimi Hendrix
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Daily Good Stuff 174

Hey everybody. I’m having terrible computer issues so this post is being done via mobile. There’s only but so much I can do by this method.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

It is not every question that deserves an answer. Publilius Syrus

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck.

“Where’s Harry?”, asked another hunter.

“He fainted a couple miles up the trail,” Harry’s partner answered.

“You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?”

“It was a tough decision,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Harry.”

That’s it.

-DALANEL

Daily Good Stuff 173

It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means. Well, I hope you do because I don’t. Hm? Oh, right, let’s get to the post.

When God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work — this is a gift of God. Ecclesiastes 5:19

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that’s no reason not to give it. Agatha Christie

Alright, here’s a comic you’ll love:

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Story of my horror/comedy movie life. And now, as you’ll remember in my earlier post from today, there’s no videos at the moment. So, we’ll go on to the joke next:

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