news satire

Daily Good Stuff 80

We made it to day 80. Whew! And it’s Saturday so we add on the weekly news updates (satire, good, weird/funny). So sit back and get ready for some really good stuff. As usual, it’s joke time:

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

Yeah that’s why we don’t joke around like that. Here’s a video:

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Daily Good Stuff 66

Hello everybody! It’s Saturday and boy am I excited to show you the good stuff I found for you. We’ll start off with a video. I love the guys at Just For Laughs. They do good work.

Alright and here’s a joke:

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Daily Good Stuff 65

TGIF! We’ll start Friday off with the latest news.

A woman refuses to let her dreams die. Well, in this case it’s a little too late. A 25 year-old woman still has hopes of being the popular kid in high school. Hey…sweetie, maybe it’s time to move on. Just my opinion.

Next, we have a firefighter saving a cat. Oh this is in the weird/funny news category. You see, he wasn’t just saving the cat, he was saving a police officer stuck in the tree who attempted to save the cat. And there’s your twist!

Lastly, we got a kid who saved his dad’s life. AND IT HAPPENED IN NEW JERSEY YAY *clears throat* Anyway, the dad was driving and ended up suffering a stroke. He pulled the car over and it was up to the kid to make a move. He called his grandma who made a 3-way call with his (the boy’s) mom. There was still the question of where they were. The 5-year old boy was able to spell out where they were. Here’s what they had to say about this kid:

“Nathaniel is a very smart guy,’’ Coleman said. “He has great diction, and when you hear him talk, you would never think he’s only five. He’s on a third-grade level. He already spells words like ‘decipher’ and understands concepts that the average elementary school student at his age does not.”

Amazing. And now on to images:

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Daily Good Stuff 64

It’s Thursday! Earlier, you saw my first episode of my video series. Let the good stuff keep on rollin’! Let’s look at this joke:

Grandpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one hand on the television set and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”

Sorry, fellas. A couple of images:

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Daily Good Stuff 61

So this is Monday. Ugh. You know, sometimes when I’m in a bad mood, just creating these posts puts me in a good mood. These are one of those days so bare with me. Why don’t we get started with a video.

Nice.

Ways To Have Fun in the Workplace

Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-Cha.”

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Marge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

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Daily Good Stuff 50: GIFs Added

Yup, I keep expanding this thing. Now we have GIF images to look forward to. So why don’t we start it off with one. In this lesson, we remember that no means no. There are so many sex/rape jokes I could use but then you would be offended so I’ll chill. But here we go:

funny-gif-bunny-chasing-cat

Alright, and now for the rest of the stuff. Here’s a joke:

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