news satire

Daily Good Stuff 44

It’s FRIDAY. Are you ready for the weekend? Where I live the weather is expected to be nice. Maybe I’ll keep it simple and shoot some hoops during the day and watch the NBA Playoffs at night. We got a man stealing nail polish, Manti Te’o’s girlfriend, solving a cough problem in a creative way, and more. So how about we get started with a joke:

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up. “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. “So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once.” “Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot,” the owner shouts angrily.

“Sure it will,” the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. “Look at him. He’s afraid to cough.”

Yeah that’s great. What about an image:

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Daily Good Stuff 41

As you can see, I’m not labeling each day. This is day 41. All previous posts are labeled. That way, for you and for me, it’ll be a little easier to find a DGS post that you like. Anyway, let’s get this terrific Tuesday off on the right foot with a joke:

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”

Of course! And now this:

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Daily Good Stuff 40: No Commentary

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire- Ferdinand Foch

A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.

‘Don’t move! You’re a statue!’

The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.

The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies, and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue and says, “Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths’, and they never fed me a thing!”

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Daily Good Stuff 39

Another day for good stuff. Are you ready? Please say that you are. Either way, it’s happening so might as well accept it. We have trouble with school, a kind cop, some “twisted” weather, and more! Kick this thang off with a joke:

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?” Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.”

Bill: “What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

Yeah that’s just great. Everybody wins…except for:

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Daily Good Stuff 38

The weekend! You made it! Pat yourself on the back and enjoy the stuff I have ready for you. We have more heroes emerge from the Boston Marathon bombings, texting on the highway, fails, and so much more! Let’s jump on a video:

Yeah here’s some words for you:

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Daily Good Stuff 37- Satire News Added

Well it’s time to expand Daily Good Stuff by adding Satire News. You know, like what The Onion does. They’re not the only people that do it though but yeah. Sometimes it may be a video or it may just be a link to the original article. Weird news will still be around as well as Good news. In fact, I’m really trying to push them out more often. So, here’s what is in Daily Good Stuff now:

  • Jokes
  • Funny images
  • Funny videos
  • Inspirational quotes
  • Scripture
  • Weird news
  • Good news
  • Satire news

I continue to try to expand my audience. Let’s jump things off with a joke:

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”

She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”

Yeah…now that’s funny! Let’s just hope he doesn’t whistle that when giving prostrate exams. On to the next one! Er, a video that is…

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