Thought

Wednesday Word: Accepting criticism

Criticism. Mainly, constructive criticism. How do we handle it? Check out the video:

That’s the key. Or, keys. For one, we need to be willing to accept being corrected. And we need to surround ourselves with people who are willing to do that correcting.

I’m one of those guys who can take and deal out criticism. I probably get that from my mom, who has a large reputation of not having a problem talking to people about themselves. And, what I’ve noticed over the years is that people turn to her for advice and “what should I do?” because they value her honesty.

As the verse said, it’s basically better to be around people who may not be a friend but will tell you what you need to hear vs someone close to you who tells you what you want to hear. If we’re keeping it real, that second part could imply that people close to you are willing to lie to you to risk not hurting your feelings. Is that what you would want in your best friend? Spouse?

That’s the only way we can grow. Pride in ourselves can turn us off to it. If we think we’re fine and don’t have to improve, we’re doomed. God already hates pride. We need to humble ourselves. We need to take criticism. Consider it. Like Blake said, check and see if it lines up with the Word of God and His standards.

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Things to Expect If You Follow DALANEL

So, recently, DALANEL reached 800 followers. I’m glad about it. I’m a man that likes to know what he’s getting himself into before he commits. I like to know the history and vision behind causes to see if I want to be a part of that. That’s why I have so many pages in this blog with a lot of information as to what this blog is about and why I started it and who I am. The idea is that, visiting for the first time, you read a couple of pages and then follow. Make an informed follow.

This list is a sort of collection of the info on various pages. These things are what you can expect if you decide to follow me. I am prepared to lose a couple (or many) followers after they get a hold of this. That’s okay.

You’ll be dealing with a Christian

First thing’s first. You need to understand that, the values of this blog are in sync with Christian principles. certain things will be interpreted in a Christian sense. There will be Bible verses and sermons. God is a huge part of why this blog exists. So, if you don’t believe in the Christian concept, turn back. Don’t worry, I won’t shove things down your throat. I welcome all people in all walks of life. No problem there. I’m mentioning this for you and your sake of knowledge. I am fully aware people will not follow me because I am a Christian. That’s fine with me.

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20 Random Thoughts

I have always had a strange mind. I decided to showcase this with 20 thoughts I’ve had this week. After you read this, you can’t unread it. In all of this, we remember that this is all a dream, or something. I like stuff and a cow isn’t a hippo.

On to the list!

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Dante’s Opinion: Do men have “backups”?

It’s another round of questions that I offer my opinion on. This first one is from a DALANEL reader. Chocolate Vent asks:

I am a single woman who has several male friends. I do have a few “backup” choices – guys that have expressed genuine interest in marrying me – but I’m not attracted to them (no physical attraction, no romantic chemistry, etc.). As I go further into my thirties I am seriously starting to consider marrying one of these “backup choices”. And I know I am not the only one who feels this way – a lot of women have “backups” in the event we do decide to get married & have not yet met our dream mate. My question is this: Do men have “backups”? I would think not considering men have far more options than we do, but I am curious if a man would rather be alone or marry a female friend who will “make do” as his wife. What are your thoughts on this?

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Dante’s Opinion: How can I forgive my abusive ex boyfriend?

Yes, our question is from “There’s No Stopping Me” and it goes a little something like this:

How can I forgive my abusive ex boyfriend? Do I need to say it to his face or can I just say it in my heart?

I’m not sure if I want to get back with him ever again but what I do want to do after three years of being mad and angry all the time is that I want to release the negative emotional bondage he has on me and that is why I want to forgive him. Now, I put a restraining order against him when we first separated and he even went to jail and served one year for an assault he did against me. The restraining order should be expired by now as it was only active for 1 year. I have no way of contacting him only through facebook. But my question is, to forgive someone for doing something bad to you do you have to tell them you forgive them? Or can you just do it from your own heart and mind? I’ve tried to forgive him on my own but I still feel that emotional bondage he has on me. I don’t know how to get rid of it. I don’t know what else to try. It’s been three years and I’m tired of feeling angry. I’m tired of him having power over me and my emotions all the time. I’m tired of going out in public afraid that I will bump into him. I just want to feel free again. I want to forigve him for my own well-being. I’m thinking of contacting him and telling him how I feel. Not necesarly get back with him, BUT to tell him that I forgive him and even apologizing for putting him in jail. That I was just very angry at the time and I felt like he deserved it. But that now im ready to move on and that I dont want to be angry anymore. And that’s why I forgive him and wish him well. I don’t know if he will get angry if I message him through facebook, im very scared of his reaction like call me a stalker or even think that just because Im messaging him then it means I want him back. I don’t want him to think that about me. I just want to release this emotional power he has over me .

There’s a lot going on here but not complicated. It seems this person is willing and ready to forgive so we can skip over the importance of forgiving. We’re at the how. To me, I don’t think you have to tell someone face to face that you forgive them. Of course, I also think part of it is preference. If you feel like a confrontation will help you, then meet with that person. In this case, since he abused you, maybe bring a friend if you’re scared.

Now, with all other things failing, there is God. Okay, so God will bring you comfort. You don’t have to be scared of somebody. It’s a shame because this guy is probably not even thinking about you. They say it often how we can be mad at someone and the person is not even aware. But yeah, the idea of a somebody holding you hostage emotionally is something God can take care of.

So, pray to God, ask Him to rid you of these emotions.

Ultimately, either way works. Like I said, I think it’s preference. I can forgive someone without confrontation. Some people feel better to just tell the person how they feel. I don’t know the personality of the person who wrote this, but, by the writing here, this person probably needs the confrontation but, as it was said, does not want to seem like you’re trying to get back together or establish a relationship. In the end, do what is comfortable. If a Facebook message is your ideal way, then do it. This is for you. You need peace. You need closure. In this moment, it’s okay to be selfish.

That’s just my opinion!

-DALANEL