weird news

Daily Good Stuff 111

Reaching day 111 got me thinking: What happens when I reach day 666? That won’t be for a couple of years though so I guess I got time to think about it. I can’t just skip it. Anyway, it’s another day in July and I’m excited, I guess. Let’s go ahead and start things off with a joke:

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!” “Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

That one made me laugh out loud. Not many jokes I find do that. Now for comic:

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Daily Good Stuff 110

Ah we made it to July. My favorite month. After a weekend of abbreviated DGS, I am back to full speed. Joke, video, images, quote, scripture, good news, and weird/funny news. Are you ready? Then let’s go!

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.

Revelation 3:20 reads: “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” Genesis 3:10 reads: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.”

Ha! I love Bible jokes. Alright here’s a video:

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Daily Good Stuff 106

Hey, hey, hey, what’s goin’ on, bro or sis? Come on in, take a seat. Welcome to Daily Good Stuff. I’m your host, Dante Nelson and even though this is day 106, you might be new here so let me just give you an idea of what Daily Good Stuff is about. For you usual members of DALANEL, you can skip the next paragraph.

Daily Good Stuff is one of my ways of bringing a positive spin on the world, as seen for the blog’s tagline. Everyday, I post a joke, video, images, quote, scripture, good news, and weird/funny news. That’s the goal anyway. Sometimes I’ll make it a themed post like Birthday or Get Well or my most recent theme of Boy Scouts. I gather these things from the internet (although a few stuff is completely original) and bring them here. It’s my alternative to the many negative things you here on TV from FOX, NBC, CNN, and their friends. So thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy this post and be sure to check out past posts as well.

So, we got that out of the way. Let’s do it with a joke:

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. “Next Sunday,” she said, “we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark.” The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, “Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room.” About half the class rose and came forward.

“The rest of you may leave,” said the teacher, “these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark.”

Huh, how about that? And now these images:

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Daily Good Stuff 105

Good day everyone. The middle of the week is here so hang in there. You got this far. Okay well if you haven’t already, be sure to check out the poll to vote for your favorite feature of Daily Good Stuff. There will be a poll coming soon asking what you would want as a new feature. Let’s get to the joke though, shall we?

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him. As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot’s ear, and made his way on again.

This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day. The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear..

“I thought I told you yesterday to get the heck out of here.”

Mhm, so I guess if he doesn’t talk to you, he likes you…? And a videoooooo:

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Daily Good Stuff 103

Monday is here, my friends and of course that means another day f Daily Good Stuff. Next Monday is the first day of July and I’ve got some stuff planned to party that month. Alright so let’s get this last week of June started:

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter’s swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, “Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!” The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl, and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, “Quit looking out the window! Aren’t you paying attention to me?” “Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma’am. It’s just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they’d show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!”

And now, the video:

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Daily Good Stuff 102

Oh man I’m still feeling piss poor from yesterday. But I know why, now. It’s Sunday! A new week. New, challenges to face and new blessings to receive. Let’s get to the joke:

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. “Climb in!” shouted a man in the boat. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. “Heavenly Father,” he said, “I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?” God gave him a puzzled look, and replied “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

Ha! We’ve heard this one before, haven’t we? And now a video:

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