Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. Josh Billings

Dude. Freaking awesome. Here’s a video of some pranks that could scare people to death:

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?” The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.” The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?” The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. “What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks. The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!” The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back.” The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves.

A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. “I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!” The bartender, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!” The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

Wow, what a fool. Also, if you have a dirty mind like me, you probably read the last two paragraphs differently.

Did you hear the one about the dead shark found on a NYC train? No one knows how it got there. I mean, all those people…the city that never sleeps…and we still don’t know…

“We don’t know where it came from. We don’t know how it got there,” said Adam Lisberg, an MTA spokesman. “We assume it didn’t get on on its own, it needed to be brought on by a human. Something’s fishy about this.”

Subway riders remained both skeptical and shocked Wednesday about the unexpected commuter that took social media by storm.

“It had to be a prank,” speculated one man.

“It’s crazy, man,” said one young tourist. “It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.”

No more fat kids! And I’m not trying to be funny here. The obesity rate for kids is dropping! Let’s celebrate by eating some cake…oh wait…

And that’s another day down!

-DALANEL