Author: Dalanel

Dalanelhttp://dalanel.com
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Daily Good Stuff 39

Another day for good stuff. Are you ready? Please say that you are. Either way, it’s happening so might as well accept it. We have trouble with school, a kind cop, some “twisted” weather, and more! Kick this thang off with a joke:

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?” Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.”

Bill: “What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

Yeah that’s just great. Everybody wins…except for:

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Daily Good Stuff 38

The weekend! You made it! Pat yourself on the back and enjoy the stuff I have ready for you. We have more heroes emerge from the Boston Marathon bombings, texting on the highway, fails, and so much more! Let’s jump on a video:

Yeah here’s some words for you:

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Daily Good Stuff 37- Satire News Added

Well it’s time to expand Daily Good Stuff by adding Satire News. You know, like what The Onion does. They’re not the only people that do it though but yeah. Sometimes it may be a video or it may just be a link to the original article. Weird news will still be around as well as Good news. In fact, I’m really trying to push them out more often. So, here’s what is in Daily Good Stuff now:

  • Jokes
  • Funny images
  • Funny videos
  • Inspirational quotes
  • Scripture
  • Weird news
  • Good news
  • Satire news

I continue to try to expand my audience. Let’s jump things off with a joke:

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”

She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”

Yeah…now that’s funny! Let’s just hope he doesn’t whistle that when giving prostrate exams. On to the next one! Er, a video that is…

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Daily Good Stuff 36

Hey how are you? No really, ask yourself that question? So I’m thinking about life and ju-oh wait let me get the good stuff up for you; that’s why you’re here, right? Right. You want a joke? Do ya boy? Who’s a good joke reader!? YOU ARE! Oh, I’m sorry here it is:

Woman’s note to Tech Support:

Last year, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0, and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5. Much to my surprise, Husband 1.0 contained additional undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, and ESPN 2.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix the problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Response from Tech Support:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try installing Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

Remember, overuse of the above applications can cause a default to Grumpy Silence 2.5.

CAUTION: DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance – I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good luck.

Oh man, technology these days, huh? Back in my day, all we had was cable. And a functioning MTV that showed Music Videos because it was Music Television. ANYWAY, here’s the last part of the Dave Chappelle comedy:

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Daily Good Stuff 35

Hey it’s Wednesday. You know by now what goes on so let’s get right into it. We’ll continue the Dave Chappelle stand up:

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Daily Good Stuff 34

Terrific Tuesday! Aw yeah let’s do quote and scripture:

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. Lucille Ball

By faith Abraham, even though he was past age — and Sarah herself was barren — was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. Hebrews 11:11

Yikes we have two stories of defying age. Here’s a joke because I love jokes:

Little Johnny was in science class. the professor was conducting an experiment to show the dangers of liquor. he had one glass of water and one glass of wine. so the professor starts the experiment and he sticks one worm in the water.. and its floating and looks happy. he sticks the other worm in the wine and it looks like it is struggling to breathe and then it sinks to the bottom and it is dead. so the professor asks” what was this suppose to teach you children” no one raises their hand to answer but the little Johnny raises his hand and says “drink liquor and you wont get worms”

Ay! Little Johnny’s got it! Here’s an image:

Funny-Comics_1

 

Little Johnny got it but this guy need some…time! AAAAAAHHHHH See I got some jokes too. And let’s wrap it up with a video:

I will be showing the other two parts so be ready for that. One of my favorite stand up shows. And you already know his show is my all time favorite. Oh Dave Chappelle, where are you? Have a great day!

-DALANEL