Weekly Funnies 2

Another week of good times. Are ya ready? Of course you are! Let’s start it off with a joke:

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?”

“Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”

Of course! Here’s more:

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Weekly Funnies 1

So we’ll keep things simple. First, a joke:

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”

So the first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell — but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.”

“That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

“It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.”

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

“Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding inside a refrigerator…”

Funny right? Here’s a little picture for ya:

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Accept Jesus Into Your Life

So you’re ready to make the greatest decision of your life? And yes, this is the smartest thing you can do. Accepting Jesus into your life is the best thing to do. I do want to say something though. It’s a quote from my book Spiritual Interpretations. In fact, it’s almost an entire chapter. It talks about what to expect when you first accept Jesus into your life. I just want you to know what you’re getting into. If you want to skip on ahead to the prayer, it’s at the bottom of the post.

There are many positives to accepting Jesus. For one thing, you now have eternal life. What you need to understand as an unsaved person, you are spiritually dead. Why? Jesus took our sinful lives to die on the cross so that we may have new life in Him. and the thing with Jesus’ life: it never dies. His spirit lives on forever and, if we accept Jesus, that spirit now lives in us.

Make sure you understand that Jesus died and took the ultimate punishment for us. Just like we are so grateful that the fireman saved us from the fire. But then, he died while getting you to safety. You were supposed to burn, but the fireman took your place. It’s basically the same thing with Jesus. You were supposed to be on that cross; but Jesus loved you enough to say that he would die for all of us so that we can live.

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Some Changes to DALANEL

As you may have noticed, I hadn’t written in a couple of weeks. But, I’ve posted a few stuff this week and I’m back in the swing of things. To be honest, I’ve had a rough past couple of weeks. My car broke down…in the middle of the highway…my school finances are crap, and I’m woefully unprepared to be the lighting director of my church’s Christmas Cantata which is on December 15th. Plus, I need to be able to get to work as a Target team member.

So, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Still, I’m trying to fight it and writing is a way to calm me down and escape the crazy world that I am a part of.

Oh, you’re here for the changes, right?

I made a few small changes where I have adjusted the page layout for the site. I also am starting some blog features. One feature is me posting a bunch of funny stuff from around the web including videos, jokes, and news articles. That’s inspired by the Facebook page I run, “Nothing But Jokes”. and that happens once a week. Also, I’ll be covering news involving Dante’s from around the world. Only in a positive light though because I choose to do it that way.

I’m also working on a podcast or web show too for the blog. Most likely, it’ll be hosted by myself and one of my sisters. That should be fun.

There is another change coming to the site in terms of writing. I’m pleased to announce a new writer on the site. She goes by the name “Dallas T’ and she runs a blog that I’ve already mentioned to you all: The Hidden Solution. She’s not going to be writing much but when she does, she’ll be giving mainly advice on relationships. As I have mentioned before, I and her have different writing styles which is another reason why I would think it cool to have her around.

Well goodness Dante, is she your lover?

No, she’s not. Just my friend/cousin/sister. That’s all. She’ll provide a different voice and I’m sure you’ll love her as much as I do. I had to practically beg her to join. I mean, have you seen her writing? She’s the bomb. My site will surely improve its readership with her on board.

So that’s all. I’ve been looking at some different themes for the layout of the site too but I haven’t made the official decision to make that change. But, don’t be surprised to see a different design in the near future, baby.

So as you can see, I’m trying to transform this blog into something more than writing. If you’ve read my about page, you will realize that this blog is about me. While writing is a big part of me…well, there’s a reason why a name of mine is The Writing Clown.

Peace out and thanks for reading.

-DALANEL

Get 15% Off My Book!

I want to thank all of you for reading my blog. As a way of showing my appreciation, I’m offering you a code to get 15% off of my book: Interpretations & Illustrations

Here’s the code: FTJDX4RV

Catch? Well I guess there is one: It can only be used through the publishing site. So the link I provided above will take you there. When prompted to, just enter the code and it should work. If it doesn’t, contact me and I’ll see what I can do.

Thank you so much for reading this blog and enjoy the book.

-DALANEL

Only One Way Into Heaven

I sometimes feel like the way to being a Christian kinda sucks. And then sometimes it makes perfect sense.

I like to use a common example: There’s the people who do good all their lives but still end up in hell. Meanwhile, there’s people that are bad all their lives, but, at the last minute, they get saved and end up in heaven. Why?

Welp, I’m here to answer that question.

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