Daily Good Stuff 69: Changes for the Better

So it’s Tuesday and that means another day of good stuff. I’m thinking about ridding the news as they are slow. But they won’t be gone; it’ll probably go to once a week. That means I’ll probably add at least one more daily feature to make up for the absence of news. And normally I go with a  random order but I think I’m going to go with a set layout: Joke, video, images, quote, scripture, and eventual new feature. And then wrap it up with the news once a week. So, yeah.

Ten Things You Wouldn’t Know Without Movies

  1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
  2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
  4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
  5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  6. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
  7. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  8. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
  9. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
  10. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

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Daily Good Stuff 68

Alright so it’s day 68. I must not be doing or keeping things fresh since viewership has declined mightily. I have to figure out how to spice/shake things up. In the meantime, I shall keep up the current effort until I can figure out what to do next. It’s kinda interesting though because I got 3 new subscribers last week and my blog following is almost at 500 so while the viewing is low, the quality is still good in a sense. I don’t know; I guess I need to do a better job of spreading the word. Here’s a joke to lift the post off.

After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

 And a couple of images:

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Daily Good Stuff 67

And so another week begins. Or the weekend ends. Or whatever; I don’t know. Let’s get it on with a joke:

A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. My penis is orange.” Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy’s penis isn’t orange. Doc tells the guy, “This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person’s life.”

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, “How are things going at work?” The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, “No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I’m getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy.” So the doc figures this isn’t the reason.

He asks the guy, “How’s your home life?” The guy says, “Well, I got divorced about eight months ago.” The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, “No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch.” So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.

He inquires, “Do you have any hobbies or a social life?” The guy replies, “No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos.”

This was a brilliant joke. I hope you got it, and if you didn’t, please ask somebody. Alright so let’s take a look at these images:

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Daily Good Stuff 66

Hello everybody! It’s Saturday and boy am I excited to show you the good stuff I found for you. We’ll start off with a video. I love the guys at Just For Laughs. They do good work.

Alright and here’s a joke:

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Daily Good Stuff 65

TGIF! We’ll start Friday off with the latest news.

A woman refuses to let her dreams die. Well, in this case it’s a little too late. A 25 year-old woman still has hopes of being the popular kid in high school. Hey…sweetie, maybe it’s time to move on. Just my opinion.

Next, we have a firefighter saving a cat. Oh this is in the weird/funny news category. You see, he wasn’t just saving the cat, he was saving a police officer stuck in the tree who attempted to save the cat. And there’s your twist!

Lastly, we got a kid who saved his dad’s life. AND IT HAPPENED IN NEW JERSEY YAY *clears throat* Anyway, the dad was driving and ended up suffering a stroke. He pulled the car over and it was up to the kid to make a move. He called his grandma who made a 3-way call with his (the boy’s) mom. There was still the question of where they were. The 5-year old boy was able to spell out where they were. Here’s what they had to say about this kid:

“Nathaniel is a very smart guy,’’ Coleman said. “He has great diction, and when you hear him talk, you would never think he’s only five. He’s on a third-grade level. He already spells words like ‘decipher’ and understands concepts that the average elementary school student at his age does not.”

Amazing. And now on to images:

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Daily Good Stuff 64

It’s Thursday! Earlier, you saw my first episode of my video series. Let the good stuff keep on rollin’! Let’s look at this joke:

Grandpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one hand on the television set and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”

Sorry, fellas. A couple of images:

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