DALANEL

My Goals for 2013

Ah we made it. Well, not quite but it’s only a couple of days away. We all make those stupid new years resolutions that rarely make it past January. But hey, I have some goals for this next year.

Of course I’ll share them with you because…well…I don’t really know why. Crap.

Webshow

I talked to you recently about how I and my sisters are working on a web show. It won’t be like iCarly because our show will actually be funny. I’m writing out some scripts and I’m on the hunt for some decent video editing software. It’s really happening. I hope to get it up and running by March. I need a name for it…

DALANEL exclusive: A New Home

The only people that know about this are you, my lovely readers. I am in the process of creating a great play, called A New Home, that will be an unpublished book. Part of it is already written out in an unpublished book called One Play per Nipple which is actually a book that contains as many plays in it as I have nipples. I have 3 nipples so…yeah. I’m also aiming for a March release.

Restore The Sixer Sense

Over the past two months, my site The Sixer Sense, has been performing poorly for my standards. I already have a plan in place for that to improve the situation. Right now, it’s a mess. Also, I am still looking for my replacement as editor of the site. The reason why I want to leave the site ties into my next goal.

Facebook

Recently, I posted how much I didn’t care for Facebook. Welp, I want to leave Facebook in 2013. As I mentioned above, being part of The Sixer Sense means I have to manage the Facebook page for the site. I actually put in to be a social media manager for the FanSided NBA division. If I get that role, I’ll most likely start posting on a regular basis on my hit page Nothing But Jokes. If I don’t get the position, I’ll find my editor replacement and keep it moving. I try to share and link this blog to Facebook but stats show I don’t get anything from there anyway.

Put more focus on school

In all of these other goals, I also would like to step up my academic game as well. It wasn’t a good past semester for me. I’m not very proud of my grades. I have said that I hate school. But, one thing I hate more than school is not performing well enough. To be honest, I’ve come to accept that I don’t like the subject that I’m currently majoring in. I never really enjoyed accounting. I’m looking at finance but seems closely related to accounting anyway. I would like to do something with numbers though. Maybe statistics would be a better fit. Such a lazy nerd if that exists.

Lead someone to Christ

I’ve always wanted to do this. One on one, I want to lead someone to accept Jesus as their personal Savior  Granted, my books that I have published actually aim to do that. But, I would love to personally do it myself. And considering what is going on in my church soon, I may get my chance. I’m excited!

Break out of my comfort zone

I want to do something that I’ve never done. I want to do something that I’ve held myself back from for fear of rejection. I don’t know what that thing is though. Ask that cute girl out? Take that roller coaster by storm? Learn how to freakin swim!? I gotta do something this year that flat out scares me. Be a man. You’re 21 years old darn-it! Grow some balls and make something happen.

Get people buzzing about DALANEL

Numbers don’t lie. Not many folks read this blog. BUT, I’ve been posting consistently. My biggest problem is sharing the work. Don’t get me wrong, links go out Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and even Google+. But, it’s only one link. The more I share my stuff, the larger the audience and chances someone will read it. I already have a #DALANEL on Twitter. One day it will trend and it won’t be just by me.

So that’s what I want to do in 2013. It’s a tall order and I may not get everything done. But, out of the 8 things on this here list, if I can get through 6 of them, I’ll call it a win.

Baby steps. Happy New Year and all that crap.

-DALANEL

 

Weekly Funnies 3

Another round of good times. I’m aiming for a Christmas theme for obvious reasons. Let’s shake things up with the weird news first. A woman apparently was attacked with a sock filled with…well…poop. Feces. Doo-doo. Shit. The brown stuff (sometimes green and even red. Ew.).

Welp, here’s a Christmas gift from me to you: TWO JOKES. Here’s joke #1:

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”

Answer… “They’re Carol’s.”

Ahhhh okay here’s a list you can try: 20 ways to confuse Santa

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say “We hate Christmas,” and “Go away Santa.”

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, “For The Tooth Fairy. :)” Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, “For Santa. :(”

11. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.”

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s sure to see them. Go outside, yell, “Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s got a red nose!” and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you’ve moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you’re sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you’ve been “trampled.” Threaten to sue for personal injury.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.

Okay cool let’s see a video:

 

Absolutely precious. And here’s an image:

Christmas-Comic-023

Such a kiss-up. Happy Holidays baby!

Weekly Funnies 2

Another week of good times. Are ya ready? Of course you are! Let’s start it off with a joke:

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?”

“Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”

Of course! Here’s more:

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Weekly Funnies 1

So we’ll keep things simple. First, a joke:

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”

So the first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell — but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.”

“That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

“It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.”

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

“Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding inside a refrigerator…”

Funny right? Here’s a little picture for ya:

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Accept Jesus Into Your Life

So you’re ready to make the greatest decision of your life? And yes, this is the smartest thing you can do. Accepting Jesus into your life is the best thing to do. I do want to say something though. It’s a quote from my book Spiritual Interpretations. In fact, it’s almost an entire chapter. It talks about what to expect when you first accept Jesus into your life. I just want you to know what you’re getting into. If you want to skip on ahead to the prayer, it’s at the bottom of the post.

There are many positives to accepting Jesus. For one thing, you now have eternal life. What you need to understand as an unsaved person, you are spiritually dead. Why? Jesus took our sinful lives to die on the cross so that we may have new life in Him. and the thing with Jesus’ life: it never dies. His spirit lives on forever and, if we accept Jesus, that spirit now lives in us.

Make sure you understand that Jesus died and took the ultimate punishment for us. Just like we are so grateful that the fireman saved us from the fire. But then, he died while getting you to safety. You were supposed to burn, but the fireman took your place. It’s basically the same thing with Jesus. You were supposed to be on that cross; but Jesus loved you enough to say that he would die for all of us so that we can live.

Continue reading →

Some Changes to DALANEL

As you may have noticed, I hadn’t written in a couple of weeks. But, I’ve posted a few stuff this week and I’m back in the swing of things. To be honest, I’ve had a rough past couple of weeks. My car broke down…in the middle of the highway…my school finances are crap, and I’m woefully unprepared to be the lighting director of my church’s Christmas Cantata which is on December 15th. Plus, I need to be able to get to work as a Target team member.

So, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Still, I’m trying to fight it and writing is a way to calm me down and escape the crazy world that I am a part of.

Oh, you’re here for the changes, right?

I made a few small changes where I have adjusted the page layout for the site. I also am starting some blog features. One feature is me posting a bunch of funny stuff from around the web including videos, jokes, and news articles. That’s inspired by the Facebook page I run, “Nothing But Jokes”. and that happens once a week. Also, I’ll be covering news involving Dante’s from around the world. Only in a positive light though because I choose to do it that way.

I’m also working on a podcast or web show too for the blog. Most likely, it’ll be hosted by myself and one of my sisters. That should be fun.

There is another change coming to the site in terms of writing. I’m pleased to announce a new writer on the site. She goes by the name “Dallas T’ and she runs a blog that I’ve already mentioned to you all: The Hidden Solution. She’s not going to be writing much but when she does, she’ll be giving mainly advice on relationships. As I have mentioned before, I and her have different writing styles which is another reason why I would think it cool to have her around.

Well goodness Dante, is she your lover?

No, she’s not. Just my friend/cousin/sister. That’s all. She’ll provide a different voice and I’m sure you’ll love her as much as I do. I had to practically beg her to join. I mean, have you seen her writing? She’s the bomb. My site will surely improve its readership with her on board.

So that’s all. I’ve been looking at some different themes for the layout of the site too but I haven’t made the official decision to make that change. But, don’t be surprised to see a different design in the near future, baby.

So as you can see, I’m trying to transform this blog into something more than writing. If you’ve read my about page, you will realize that this blog is about me. While writing is a big part of me…well, there’s a reason why a name of mine is The Writing Clown.

Peace out and thanks for reading.

-DALANEL