Okay let’s get this party started. A joke:
“The car won’t start,” aid a wife to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburetor.”
“How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t even know what the carburetor is.”
“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.”
“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the swimming pool.”
Yeah, that makes sense. Alright here’s a video of some lucky people:
It is Wednesday and it is day 84. You know this. So what am I rambling for? Well because I want to present a medical themed post. A lot of my family members are nurses, including my mom. So they have a special place in my heart. Also, as a child, I had an illness that required weekly visits to the various doctors that I had. So yeah, I am appreciate these folks. Let’s get to the post!
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
“Listen,” says the Doc, “I have migraines too, and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
“Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”
“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”
“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “you have a REALLY nice house.”
Huh…okay here’s a video:
Today is one of my sister’s birthday. But wait, she’s 16. Yeah, so it’s a big deal. So of course we have to do a birthday theme post. The special part of my sister’s birthday is that we’re a month away from mine, and boy do I have a big party in store for the whole month. But let’s get Desiree out of the way. Before we do, here’s a pic of I and her goofing off:
We’ll get it with a joke:
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. “Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.” So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Uh-oh! Alright well here’s a video:
Look tomorrow is my sister’s birthday so expect a celebration tomorrow. My birthday is next month and I’m planning some big stuff. I know how to have a cyber party, baby! But let’s get on with today shall we?
A man was invited for dinner at a friend’s house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her “My Love”, “Darling”, “Sweetheart”, etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, “That’s really nice after all of these years you’ve been married to keep saying those little pet names.” The host said, “Well, honestly, I’ve forgotten her name.”
And now for a special video, bro:
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It’s another week of good stuff and I gotta say, this number is special for me. It’s all in the root. Square root, that is. Check it: Square root of 81 is 9. Square root of 9 is 3. I have 3 nipples. I know. Okay so let’s get on with the show:
A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. “I’d like one under-cooked egg so that it’s runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.” “That’s a complicated order sir,” said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.” The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”
Oh I see, he rather just not have a good meal instead of expecting one and being disappointed. Got it. Check out this video:
We made it to day 80. Whew! And it’s Saturday so we add on the weekly news updates (satire, good, weird/funny). So sit back and get ready for some really good stuff. As usual, it’s joke time:
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”
Yeah that’s why we don’t joke around like that. Here’s a video:
