Daily Good Stuff 69: Changes for the Better

So it’s Tuesday and that means another day of good stuff. I’m thinking about ridding the news as they are slow. But they won’t be gone; it’ll probably go to once a week. That means I’ll probably add at least one more daily feature to make up for the absence of news. And normally I go with a  random order but I think I’m going to go with a set layout: Joke, video, images, quote, scripture, and eventual new feature. And then wrap it up with the news once a week. So, yeah.

Ten Things You Wouldn’t Know Without Movies

  1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
  2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
  4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
  5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  6. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
  7. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  8. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
  9. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
  10. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

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Daily Good Stuff 67

And so another week begins. Or the weekend ends. Or whatever; I don’t know. Let’s get it on with a joke:

A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. My penis is orange.” Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy’s penis isn’t orange. Doc tells the guy, “This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person’s life.”

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, “How are things going at work?” The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, “No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I’m getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy.” So the doc figures this isn’t the reason.

He asks the guy, “How’s your home life?” The guy says, “Well, I got divorced about eight months ago.” The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, “No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch.” So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.

He inquires, “Do you have any hobbies or a social life?” The guy replies, “No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos.”

This was a brilliant joke. I hope you got it, and if you didn’t, please ask somebody. Alright so let’s take a look at these images:

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Daily Good Stuff 66

Hello everybody! It’s Saturday and boy am I excited to show you the good stuff I found for you. We’ll start off with a video. I love the guys at Just For Laughs. They do good work.

Alright and here’s a joke:

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Daily Good Stuff 65

TGIF! We’ll start Friday off with the latest news.

A woman refuses to let her dreams die. Well, in this case it’s a little too late. A 25 year-old woman still has hopes of being the popular kid in high school. Hey…sweetie, maybe it’s time to move on. Just my opinion.

Next, we have a firefighter saving a cat. Oh this is in the weird/funny news category. You see, he wasn’t just saving the cat, he was saving a police officer stuck in the tree who attempted to save the cat. And there’s your twist!

Lastly, we got a kid who saved his dad’s life. AND IT HAPPENED IN NEW JERSEY YAY *clears throat* Anyway, the dad was driving and ended up suffering a stroke. He pulled the car over and it was up to the kid to make a move. He called his grandma who made a 3-way call with his (the boy’s) mom. There was still the question of where they were. The 5-year old boy was able to spell out where they were. Here’s what they had to say about this kid:

“Nathaniel is a very smart guy,’’ Coleman said. “He has great diction, and when you hear him talk, you would never think he’s only five. He’s on a third-grade level. He already spells words like ‘decipher’ and understands concepts that the average elementary school student at his age does not.”

Amazing. And now on to images:

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Daily Good Stuff 63: People Falling

Warning: This post is full of videos and gifs of people falling. If you do not enjoy watching people suffer, then turn back. If you are new here at DALANEL, please know this is not a normal thing for Daily Good Stuff. But, people falling is pretty popular in the entertainment industry so we’ll see how this goes.

We will do 5 of each and they will alternate. So, video, gif, video, gif, etc. Let’s start off with the video:

And then the gif:

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Video:

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Daily Good Stuff 61

So this is Monday. Ugh. You know, sometimes when I’m in a bad mood, just creating these posts puts me in a good mood. These are one of those days so bare with me. Why don’t we get started with a video.

Nice.

Ways To Have Fun in the Workplace

Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-Cha.”

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Marge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

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