jokes

Daily Good Stuff 51

So the post earlier probably got you a little excited about things in this blog. Even during these weekly segments, the Daily Good Stuff lives! I won’t lie, I’m not sure if I can truly handle it. A lot of the days, I’m preparing the post the night before. I have to stop doing that because if something happens, I would miss a day. So, I’ll have to make sure I put some on scheduled so that number one, I don’t have to stress about each night being in front of the computer after a long day. And, number two, if something happens to the computer or me lime getting sick (which I rarely am) at least the site will still be cooking.

That’s just some background in how I keep up this posting. But, let’s get things off and running on this Friday with a joke:

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

“But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

Of course he is. Shake my head well here’s your images:

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Daily Good Stuff 50: GIFs Added

Yup, I keep expanding this thing. Now we have GIF images to look forward to. So why don’t we start it off with one. In this lesson, we remember that no means no. There are so many sex/rape jokes I could use but then you would be offended so I’ll chill. But here we go:

funny-gif-bunny-chasing-cat

Alright, and now for the rest of the stuff. Here’s a joke:

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Daily Good Stuff 47

Monday, huh? Yeah I’m not feeling it either. But, we gotta keep pushing and pressing. So how about a joke to get things flowing:

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off of the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a firefighter’s helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says, with admiration.

“Thanks,” the little girl says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little partner,” the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.” The little girl says, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.

Better the cat’s balls than mine. And here’s an image we can relate to:

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Daily Good Stuff 46

Sunday! In this football-less time, we hope and pray we don’t blow our brains out. I get my church flow and then come home and take a nap. Then, Sunday night, it’s on…preparing the next few Daily Good Stuff posts. But you came here to get a nice boost to start your day. Let’s get it on then:

Dear wife,

You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you
as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight.

Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him
that read as follows:

Dear Husband,

You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore don’t wait up.

Your Wife

Well ain’t that the truth! Man, oh man that was good. What else we got? How about this:

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Daily Good Stuff 45

Saturday. Well, well, well you made it to the end of the week. Pat yourself on the back and let’s enjoy what I set up for you. We have people getting scared, finding out how to tell if someone is honest, tricking a cop and more!. A video to lift this off:

I found that video to be funny to me. Sorry. Here’s a joke

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Daily Good Stuff 44

It’s FRIDAY. Are you ready for the weekend? Where I live the weather is expected to be nice. Maybe I’ll keep it simple and shoot some hoops during the day and watch the NBA Playoffs at night. We got a man stealing nail polish, Manti Te’o’s girlfriend, solving a cough problem in a creative way, and more. So how about we get started with a joke:

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up. “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. “So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once.” “Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot,” the owner shouts angrily.

“Sure it will,” the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. “Look at him. He’s afraid to cough.”

Yeah that’s great. What about an image:

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