jokes

Daily Good Stuff 57

Well it’s Thursday my friends. Let’s jump this Thursday off with a joke:

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5.00 am.” The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed … it said… “It is 5.00am; wake up.”

Hey I love to write but maybe this is too far. How about a video? Haven’t done that in a while I see. A song is in order; a song that is a spoof of a very (used to be) popular boy band. And…well this was a favorite childhood song of mine. Still is really.

Continue reading →

Daily Good Stuff 56

It’s the middle of the week! You’re almost at the weekend; keep it up. I got something special for ya! But it’s gonna be a bit brief. For starters, a joke:

A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said: “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don’t let Him do that. He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: Grandma, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family…”

Granny fainted.

Sometimes, the best advice hurts. What a disgrace! Hey here’s some images:

Continue reading →

Daily Good Stuff 55

Have you checked out my intro video to my Breaking Down the Book series? For the next few days I’ll probably shove it down your throat whenever I can so bare with me because I do understand some would not be interested and that’s fine. I do think it would be a great benefit for you though but that’s my opinion.

So let’s get this lifted with the latest news.

A woman was being stalked on Facebook by herself. Okay let me say it like this: She created a profile of her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend and tried to frame her for it. Eventually crazy lady got caught. Man, the places people will go. The things we’ll do.

A boy battling cancer got to play with his favorite soccer team thanks to Make A Wish Foundation. Boy, I’d like to play with the Philadelphia 76ers any time. Oh well, I’m not dying or anything so too bad for me. Still, must have been cool for the kid.

Here’s some images now, first a fantastic soccer play:

Continue reading →

Daily Good Stuff 54: Help From The 76ers

Monday already? Where did the weekend go? Of course, I’m here to give you a boost to start the day and week. Let’s get it off with a funny list that is posing as a joke.

20 Things to do in the bathroom stall…

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, “May I borrow a highlighter?”

2. Say “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”

5. Drop a marble and say, “oh shoot!! My glass eye!!”

6. Say “Darn, this water is cold.”

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.

Continue reading →

Daily Good Stuff 53: Church

Another day, another week. I’m feeling churchy so let’s make it a church theme. Let’s look at a couple of images to get it started. And of course, keep in mind that I won’t be preaching to you on the D-L so don’t worry about that. That’s what my Breaking Down the Book series is for. Anyway:

jeasus

 

Aw now who did that!? And I HATE McDonald’s (there goes any chance for sponsorship). But check this guy out:

Continue reading →

Daily Good Stuff 52

Day 52. I have some stuff for you, baby. Let’s jump off with some lovely words, shall we?

My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11-12

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch. Gilda Radner

Well isn’t that something? Let’s find out what’s going on in the latest news.
Oh crap! A man is suing Virgin Airlines because they have accused him of using the bathroom…and not flushing. This, and more. Well…look:
Meanwhile, Bevivino complains in the lawsuit that he suffered not only emotional and mental distress, but also that the incident caused him humiliation, fright, shock and loss of reputation. He is seeking $500,000 in damages.
Well I guess that’s better than…I have no jokes/witty responses for this one.
Hey did you hear about Applebee’s new app special? 50 appetizers for just $200! Here’s what’s included: